Child abuse: Strangers don’t pose biggest danger

We set out to uncover the dangers of having your child in day care, but upon investigating that story, we stumbled upon a whole other set of circumstances posing a risk to your kids. We found that registered sex offender lists aren’t the problem.

It’s not a subject most people want to talk about, or even hear about, but parole officers, medical directors and child abuse prevention experts tell us it’s not the known sex offenders we should watch out for.

“It would be very naive to think the only people who are a danger to your children are already on sex offender lists,” says Dr. Deanna St. Germain.

St. Germain, the medical director at the KIDS Center in Bend, tells us children usually know their sexual abusers — and they’re not strangers, and they aren’t people that jump out of the bushes.

KIDS Center officials say 82 percent of kids know their offenders, and most of them are in their families.

We’re told these predators are usually hiding behind familial names.

“The majority of what we see are family members — uncles, grandfathers, fathers, stepfathers, moms and significant others,” St. Germain says.

We’re told they’re often opportunistic, and they’re capable of having normal relationships with adults — but they have access to your kids. And they have a need, and they want to fill that need.

Experts say the perpetrator will groom the family as much as they will groom the child, often presenting themselves as a resource. Those who abuse can be helpful by volunteering their time, and they can be ingratiating and personable and often charismatic.

The physical grooming starts early, and it starts slowly.

And experts also warn that abuse doesn’t always feel bad to the child.

“An unwanted or scary or out-of-the-blue place — the body still responds with pleasure,” St. Germain said. “That can be very confusing for kids, and make it very difficult for them to talk about it, because, ‘It felt good, but I don’t really think he is supposed to be doing that.'”

Abusers often will exploit a child’s curiosity. They might show them a photograph of someone with their clothes off. They might let them watch an R-rated movie that has a scene that’s not appropriate for that aged child, but the child then has a curiosity about it and they engage them that way.

Some of the signs of abuse include: nervousness around adults or one in particular, aggression, passivity or over-compliance, sudden changes in personality, inability to stay awake or concentrate, not wanting to go home or to a particular place, low self-esteem, unexplained bruises or injuries, or poor hygiene.

The KIDS Center says parents don’t realize how common child sex abuse is. According to data from the national nonprofit Darkness to Light, one in 10 children is sexually abused — and 90 percent know their abuser.

The KIDS Center says parents should minimize the opportunity by eliminating or reducing one-on-one situations, talk about boundaries with your children, know the signs of abuse, plus react responsibly to suspicions or reports of abuse, and keep in mind that predators exist in families, not just on sex offender lists.

If you’d like to join the fight against child sex abuse, the KIDS Center offers a program called Darkness to Light, which empowers adults to help prevent child sex abuse.

Visit www.kidscenter.org to learn more.