Bend father hopes son’s story will prevent bullying, suicide

A Bend family is mourning the loss of their son, Deshaun Adderley, who killed himself last Thursday, and hopes that sharing his story could shine a much-needed light on the issues of suicide and bullying.

“He had a million-dollar smile. Everybody always told me about how they loved my son and how he would brighten the room when he walked in,” Donovan Adderley told NewsChannel 21 on Tuesday.

Adderley said Deshaun, a freshman at Summit High School, died by suicide at his home last week.

The teen’s father said his son was full of life and loved to skateboard.

Adderley said he noticed signs that something was wrong with Deshaun. His son told him he was being bullied by other kids at school about his appearance.

But Adderley said he didn’t understand how serious the situation was, and told Deshaun to report it to school officials.

He said his son might have been struggling with depression, in part because he and Deshaun’s stepmother were going through a separation.

“Now that my son is gone, everything that I saw was a cry for somebody to step in and help. I just thought he was just being a teenager, just doing the norm stuff,” Adderley said.

Before Deshaun killed himself, he posted a video on his Instagram of a fight inside a Summit High School restroom. In it, Deshaun appears to be the aggressor, but his father said the video doesn’t tell the whole story or show what led up to the fight.

“It seemed to me he was — he was already pushed over the edge, he was already angry. Tears was coming to my eyes when I saw that video, because that wasn’t the son I know,” Adderley said.

He said threats were being made toward Deshaun online, and his son retaliated by threatening to bring knife or gun to school to defend himself — and mentioned he was going to kill himself.

Bend police officers responded to his home last Thursday to investigate and spoke to Deshaun about those threats.

Hours later, Deshaun took his life.

Adderley is left wishing he could have said something to change his mind.

“I want to tell him that I love you and we miss you and we pray for you. It wasn’t that bad, son. It could have been fixed,” he said.

Adderley is now on a mission to speak out on suicide prevention, in hopes it could save another persons life.

“I am now going to do more, and I hope that he could save somebody else — you know, what happened to him, ” he said. “I hope that some parent or some kid can understand that it’s not the end of the road, you can get over these situations.”

Deschutes County District Attorney John Hummel said every suicide in the county is investigated, and his office hasn’t received the results of this investigation.

Bend-La Pine Schools said it takes any form of bullying allegations seriously and offers resources for students who are depressed or suicidal.

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Suicide prevention resources:

For Emergencies

Call 9-1-1

For Ongoing Support

If you or someone you know needs help, take one of the following actions:

Oregon Youthline (a free, confidential teen-to-teen crisis and help line; teens are available 4 to 10 p.m. daily; adults available all other times) 1-877–968–8491 or text teen2teen to 839863 Deschutes County Crisis Line 541-322-7500 ext. 9 Contact school counseling center or other mental health professional Visit the crisis walk-in center, 2577 NE Courtney, Bend, Monday to Friday from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. Call Deschutes County Behavioral Health 541–322–7500 Counselors are available at School-Based Health Centers (located at Ensworth Elementary School, Bend Senior High School and La Pine High School). Contact the closest center to make an appointment. Learn more about School-Based Health Centers. Oregon State University – Cascades has a free counseling clinic in Bend and La Pine 541–322-2047 (services provided by counseling students in training for those ages 14 and older)

Additional Resources

Reachout – an online mental health information and support website for teens and young adults Suicide Prevention Lifeline – Information and support The Trevor Project – Crisis intervention and suicide prevention for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning youth ages 13-24 Deschutes County Suicide Prevention – Information about local prevention efforts and resources National Alliance on Mental Illness

How to Talk to Students About Suicide (from Oregon Health Authority)

Warning Signs:

Talking about hurting themselves Making plans for suicide Expressing severe distress, hopelessness and/or withdrawing from others Displaying worrisome behavior

How to Help:

Ask if they are having thoughts of suicide Listen thoughtfully, without judgment Let them know that you care and they have been heard Help them find assistance through a trusted adult and/or by calling one of the resources, such as Oregon Youthline 877-968-8491; Deschutes County Crisis Line 541–322–7500; or National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 800-273-TALK