Saving Grace shines light on stalking
January was Stalking Awareness Month
BEND, Ore. (KTVZ) -- At 22, Heidi was newly married and unfazed by the near three decades age difference between them. Before her 30th birthday, Heidi filed for divorce. “I knew it was an unhealthy marriage for a long time,” Heidi said. It didn’t take long before the man she once loved followed her everywhere. “When I say ‘everywhere’, I mean everywhere,” Heidi emphasized.
It’s a Thursday afternoon at a Bend cafe when Heidi begins to share about being a stalking survivor. She was more than willing to share her story in order to help others like her, as January and Stalking Awareness Month came to a close. Heidi is among the 61% of women nationwide who have been stalked by a former intimate partner.
As a result of breaking into her home, stealing documents and personal belongings, and hacking her email account, her ex-husband was finally served with a stalking protective order. Unfortunately, it didn’t stop him from texting Heidi, while posing as one of their two children. “He would act like our child was sick or had a hard day in an attempt to get me to come over.”
Heidi finally won a lifetime stalking protective order in 2010, but before that could happen, the stalking at her home, work, and all around Central Oregon escalated to serious threats. Heidi was told she would never know if their children were alive or dead. “I remember him walking right up to my face and saying, ‘You want to play with the big dogs? I can have you gone and buried. Nobody will ever find you.’”
Saving Grace, a Central Oregon nonprofit organization, was able to support Heidi and her children for years. “I think our family used Mary’s Place longer than any other family,” Heidi laughs. Mary’s Place is a Saving Grace program that facilitates supervised visits and safe exchanges for families like Heidi’s. “He chose not to see his kids for two years because he didn’t like Mary’s Place, especially the women,” she recalls. “But that staff became like family to us.”
Last November, Heidi went to watch one of her children, now in high school, in a parade. Her ex-husband came and silently stood right next to her. “I hadn’t seen him in a long time,” Heidi says with tears in her eyes. “I didn’t realize the pain I’d still have years later. I just went home and had a total meltdown. I just felt so exposed.”
“A stalker’s impact on their victim extends far beyond just the specific event,” said Cassi MacQueen, executive director at Saving Grace. “Our clients experience a significant amount of anxiety, insomnia, depression and other negative effects. It’s something we clearly take very seriously on behalf of clients like Heidi.”
Heidi feared for her life and the lives of her children, and to this day is still triggered by the sound of a loud truck engine that sounds like her ex-husband’s. “I hear that one distinct sound and I always think, ‘He’s here.’”
Heidi is now happily remarried, but the trauma from her experience has provided a new obstacle in her new marriage. “He’s a good man,” Heidi beams. “We’ve had to overcome, at times, how much I self-protect because of what I have experienced before.”
If you or someone you know is being stalked by a current or former intimate partner, you can call the confidential, 24-Hour Helpline provided by Saving Grace. Learn more at saving-grace.org
