Domestic violence back in the spotlight

A graphic video came out yesterday of NFL player Ray Rice punching and knocking out his then fiance, now wife, and it has sparked new debate over domestic abuse.

Th video, being shared across the globe, highlights the harsh reality of domestic abuse, and has sparked discussion on the High Desert and elsewhere about a topic many believe deserves more attention and discussion.

In Bend, Saving Grace’s executive director, Janet Huerta, said Tuesdasy, “On one hand, it is heartening that there was a further reaction. It’s disheartening it took a video to do it.”

When reports of the abuse first arose, Rice was suspended. But once the video evidence was leaked, he was fired immediately, and most people apparently consider that a fair punishment.

But in the view of Huerta, “In general, it was a very minimal punishment.”

Rice will not go to trial and won’t go to jail, all because of something called a “pre-trial diversion offer.”

Something similar actually exists here in Deschutes County. However, here the accused has to enter a guilty plea before entering the program. And upon completion, the case could be dismissed.

“We’re in a society where, there has been a lot of tolerance for interpersonal violence,” Huerta said.

In her and others’ view, something that is unacceptable — and people are talking.

Huerta said that’s “the good coming out of it, which is a great discussion, a great dialogue.”.

That dialogue has sparked a national debate on social media with “another common question” according to Huerta.

“Why does she stay?”

It’s a sensitive question, drawing intense reaction such as a internationally trending hashtags (#Why I stayed and #Why I left).

People dealing with their own abusive relationships responded with comments such as:

“He wasn’t always like this, he was once happy, joyful, kind and charitable. all the dark things crept in slowly. #whyistayed”

“Why I stayed: I thought he was my best friend. Why I left: I became my own best friend.”

Huerta added, “We value being falling in love. We value people being in love.”

But loving out of fear can be deadly.

“It’s not uncommon for a batterer to feel that the way he knows that he’s loved and respected is by fear,” Huerta said.

If you fear you are in a bad situation, or know of someone who might be, either call the authorities or you can also call Saving Grace’s 24-hour help line at 541-389-7021 or visit their website at saving-grace.org.