‘It’s ok to be anxious’: Here’s what it was like for Apalachee High School students to return to school today

Winder, Georgia (CNN) — Isaiah Hooks was having a great start to his sophomore year at Apalachee High School: He was in the band, about to participate in a new leadership program and most importantly, focusing on just being happy.

“I was mostly just trying to make the most of every day, even when I felt down. I was trying to just be happy about every day,” the 15-year-old student told CNN on Saturday.

Then, on September 4 – just weeks into the academic year – Apalachee became the site of a mass shooting that left two students and two teachers dead – the deadliest US school shooting since March 2023 and the 49th this year. The Winder shooting has fractured the lives of students like Isaiah, their parents and the Georgia community.

Tuesday, the school began a gradual reopening.

What the reopening looks like

The outside view of students walking quietly through the parking lot toward their classes looked strangely ordinary Tuesday morning, the illusion of normality punctured only by a row of law enforcement cruisers parked near the school’s front door.

A Barrow County bus with “CHEE STRONG” painted in the windows provided another reminder that this is still a school in recovery.

Classes are scheduled for half days until October 4. Then, after a weeklong fall break, students transition on October 14 back to full school days, according to a news release from Apalachee High School and the Barrow County School System.

On her first day back since the shooting, one of senior Alantis Hunter’s teachers handed out to each student an encouraging card sent to the school from members of the community, the student told CNN.

“We had a small lockdown at my elementary school and I was so scared,” read the letter given to Alantis, signed by a student named Lucy with the awkward marker strokes and misspellings of a child still learning to write.

“I can’t imagine how it was for you. You’re so tough.”

The site of the shooting, J Hall, will remain closed. Students with classes in that hall will temporarily be bused to a nearby school system building until “new classroom pods” arrive in January.

Counselors, therapy dogs and law enforcement are on site as students adjust to school routines again.

“It’s ok to be anxious. It’s ok to cry. It’s ok to be mad. It’s ok to be happy. It’s ok to be drained,” reads an anonymous text meme shared by students across the school Tuesday. “Whatever you are feeling today and as we go back is normal.”

On Monday, the school held an open house to give the community “a chance to reconnect and take the first step toward healing and moving ahead together,” the Barrow County School System said in a news release.

“Today is a huge step for us healing in this building behind us,” Barrow County Sheriff Jud Smith told reporters ahead of the open house. “There are safety measures in place and just because you don’t see them, doesn’t mean they aren’t there,” Smith added.

“We know this isn’t easy,” Dallas LeDuff, superintendent of the Barrow County School System, said in the news release. “We are all still navigating our way through adversity and emotions we may never fully understand. The safety and well-being of our students and staff remain our top priority. We are committed to holding discussions with our community and safety experts about additional layers of security.”

But some community members feel this plan is far from enough.

Concerned parents, students and community members launched a petition that’s gathered over 1,200 signatures calling for additional safety measures at school – like clear bag policies and metal detectors.

Students should also be given the option of online learning until fall break, the petition says, which would “provide students and teachers additional time to heal from the most traumatic experience a person can endure within what should be the safety of their school.”

‘It still doesn’t feel real’

In the weeks since the shooting, Isaiah and other students have gone back to Apalachee to pick up their things, and the echoes of the tragedy are still pervasive.

“Just walking around, it felt so weird. As if I shouldn’t be there,” Isaiah said. “It was really, really hard to think that something like this would happen. Even now, a couple weeks have passed, and it still doesn’t feel real that that happened to us.”

Armando Martinez, a 15-year-old student, had been back to the school for practice and had a tough time being there, he told CNN on Friday.

“It was hard being there myself given the fact that I was in that room where I was practicing, whenever it happened,” Armando said.

But, both teenagers say the sense of community has helped them find the motivation to return.

“It was scary, but to know that we have a strong community – it’s unmatched. You should have seen the amount of support, the amount of people that was there to help us,” Armando said.

The chance to be with their community and help others is what’s driving Isaiah to go back to school, he added.

“The thing that’s really motivating me is my friends, my family, my teammates and my coaches,” Isaiah said.

“I know that our community is going to be looking out for us.”

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CNN’s Chris Youd, Rafael Romo and Taylor Galgano contributed to this report.